Interviewrama

Here are links to all the people I interviewed. Read 'em and learn!

Don
Jodie
Joe
Looney
O'Tim
Ole Blue
Paula
PJ

Here are the answers to my questions from Paticus, if you didn't see 'em before.

When You Were Yoots

Joe and I were having a discussion over at Paula's about the influence of parents on their kids, and it got me to thinking (as discussions with Joe always do, which is why I love having discussions with Joe) about whether I was right or not, which in turn made me curious to see how all y'all felt.

So here's the question: When you were a teenager, particularly in your high-school years, who had more influence on you as it pertained to your appearance? Your three choices are 1) Your parents; 2) Your friends/peers; 3) Celebrities/idols. Just name your number one choice, or order them if you wish. Tell me why.

I'm not talking about choices having to do with sex or drinking or cheating or driving like and idiot or things like that. I'm just talking about the more superficial choices having to do with how you looked.

Do tell!

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It's a blogturf war!

I have to say I haven't ever been involved in anything like this before. What a crazy couple days! Most everyone who reads my blog also reads Paula's, but in case you haven't been following the schoolyard banter going back and forth, well, let me tell you, you've been missing out.

It starts here with Paula's post and subsequent comments about pit bull attacks.

It then moved to a chick named Virginia's blog post and subsequent comments complaining about the way she was treated in Paula's comments.

Then back to Paula's with this post and comments about Virginia's post and comments.

Back to Virginia's where she praises her commenters for being so much better than Paula's.

Back to Paula's where she calls bullshit.

Finally over to this dude's, the New York City Watchdog, who did a lot of posturing.

Oh, and this comedianne named Miss Ann Thrope keeps posting really long posts in which she tells people to shut the fuck up. She doesn't seem to have a blog.

Whew! Did you read them all? I know, it'll take three to four days, but trust me, it's worth it.

Nothing amuses me more than people who cannot for the life of them see how their own words and actions contribute to a situation. Virginia, Miss Ann and Watchdog truly think they're not sitting in and smelling their own shit. I went over to Virginia's blog to make nice, because that's how mommy taught me, as did Mark, Joe, Don, PJ, shit, maybe more, and all they can do is bitch about Paula's commenters en masse, Looney and PJ in particular (okay, maybe PJ didn't go over to make nice but to be condescending in a way only PJ can pull off). Oh, I almost forgot about Gekko. She went over there too, and now I'm afraid of her again.

Any acknowledgment from Virginia that, well, while a couple commenters over at Paula's crossed the line (in her opinion, mind you), most of them have come over to my blog and been pretty respectful?

Nope. Nothing.

Why? Because then the whole foundation of her broken heartedness would crumble, and Miss Ann's butting in would have been a complete and utter waste of time.

Virginia accused Paula of not liking people to disagree with her, yet this whole thing was set off because Virginia didn't like people disagreeing with her. Of course, she won't see that. No, it's about how people disagreed with her. Rightttttt.

Well, to Mark and Joe and Don and everyone else who showed some class by going onto their turf and trying to make nice, you've got my respect even more than you already did.

Virginia and her ilk can keep languishing in their own shit and calling it someone else's.

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Only 16% more to go, and another Brain Break.

You've Experienced 84% of Life

You have an amazing amount of life experience. In fact, you've seen and done more than most people. So congratulate yourself on what you've done so far. The future is only going to be more of the same!

How Much Life Experience Do You Have?

Looks like I'm nearly finished. I think I'll try to stretch out that last 16% over the next 58 years.

Found at Paula's, who swiped it from Shelly.


Brain Break #3: Jane Teaches a Lesson
This was a joy to shoot...



If you had trouble with watching it imbeded here in my blog, try this link instead.


Finally, I put a link to my commercial and film acting reel (aka Show Reel, as Sour Grapes calles it) in my side bar over yonder under the "Me" section. Do check it out and do tell me what you think...

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What? I'm going to get cholera?

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

Stolen from Paula, as usual.

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Nonsensical funsicle.

Tagged by PJ, via Jen's comments.

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Grab the nearest book.*
Open the book to page 123.
Find the fifth sentence.
Post that text (and the next three sentences) below the text following these instructions on your blog, along with the instructions.

* "Nearest" means you can't rummage around for a "cool" or "intellectual" book. Really, whatever your hand falls on first.
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To freeze a sprinter, the shutter must open and close before the image of the runner perceptibly changes position on the camera's image plane. Therefore, the faster the subject runs, the faster the shutter speed you will need to stop the action and avoid a blurred image.

A second factor affecting the final image is the camera-to-subject distance.

One elevator door was half-open on an empty shaft, from which drifted hissing wind. The door was coated to look like wood, but a dent at kneel level showed it was black metal. While he squatted, fingering the edge of the depression, something clicked: a second elevator door beside him rolled open.

"Hey, good-lookin'!" the blond driver yells, her hair flapping in the wind. "Don't go! I think I love you!" Laughing, her friends pull her hat off.

Several people put their arms around me and said keep coming back!

Maximilien Robespierre (1758-1794), the revolutionary leader, was himself executed in July 1794. This destruction came not from outside the system; it was produced by the system. As in the later Russian Revolution the revolutionaries on their humanist base had only two options--anarchy or repression.

In a large skillet brown meat, half at a time, in hot oil. Drain off fat. In a 3 1/2- to 4-quart slow cooker combine undrained tomatoes, beef broth, onion, jalapeno or serrano peppers, garlic, cornmeal, chili power, brown sugar, oregano, cumin, and black pepper.

Let anyone who will not believe it, go thither and inquire for himself. There was once an ass whose master had made him carry sacks to the mill for many a long year, but whose strength began at last to fail, so that each day as it came, found him less capable of work. Then his master began to think of turning him out, but the ass, guessing that something was in the wind that boded him no good, ran away, taking the road to Bremen; for there he thought he might get an engagement as town musician.

The bus company? They got another one. Line coach Douglas Fowlkes recalled that the media wrote about the losing streak so much that it was always at the forefront of the players' minds: "When are they going to win?"

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I am now tagging Mr. Rochester. Come on, David, let's see what's sitting within arms reach of you!

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Bookworms.

All kinds of people have this meme up. Jen, Paula and O'Tim to name but a few.

I'm game. Here goes.

1. One book that changed your life?
Catcher in the Rye. Read it my sophomore year of high school. That's when I knew I wanted to write.

2. One book you have read more than once?
The Milagro Beanfield War. Few books have ever gotten me to care more about a main character than this one.

3. One book you would want on a desert island?
One Hundred Years of Solitude, because that book makes me believe in magic.

4. One book that made you laugh?
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The entire series of five. I read it once every two years or so, and I laugh out loud every time.

5. One book that made you cry?
The Grapes of Wrath

6. One book you wish had been written?
How We Cured Cancer

7. One book you wish had never been written?
None.

8. One book you are currently reading?
I'm never reading one book at a time. I typically have three or four going, and depending on my mood at bedtime, I'll continue with one of them. Right now I have going: Screenwriting 101: The Essential Craft of Feature Film Writing by Neill D. Hicks; Dead Man's Walk by Larry McMurtry; Lonesome Traveler by Jack Kerouac; and Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller.

9. One book you've been meaning to read?
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey.

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On Comedy

Paula had a post recently about the subjectivity of comedy, and while I and others have given her an endless amount of sarcastic shit over it ever since (out of love!), she's right: What one finds funny, another may not.

So then, over at Sour Grapes, we got to talking about comedy some more, comedy of the stand-up variety.

All this comedy talk got me thinking about, er, comedy. While I know very little about a ridiculous amount of things, I know a little more about comedy. I'm not talking in the gut-feeling sort of way, either. I've written and performed comedy -- for stage, screen, radio and stand-up -- for many years, so I watch comedy differently. I study it. Word choice, subject matter, sentence length, timing, tangents, improvisation, patterns, audience reactions... All the ingredients that go into making good comedy.

Four paragraphs and I'm finally getting to the point. There is such a thing as good comedy, just as there is such a thing as bad comedy. While I'm sure there are many who would scoff at the idea, I view comedy as an art form just as music, painting or writing. Whether or not you enjoy or appreciate certain works from any of those art forms is a result of your own taste. But that's not the same thing as whether or not something is artistically valid.

Most popular music out there, musically speaking, is utter crap. Complete rubbish performed by mongrels who know a few bar chords. Ask them about the circle of fifths and they'll think you mean rum, vodka, tequila, whiskey and gin.

I love a lot of that music. It's fun. I'm glad they're making it because it gives me a reason to sing loudly in my car. But it's crap. Fun crap, but crap.

The painting I had on my wall in college of a tiger holding onto a keg while in a swimming pool? Art? Uh, no. But I loved it.

Comedy is the same way. There are good comedians (be they stand-up comics, comedic actors or comedy writers) and bad comedians. There are comedians who have chops and ones who don't. In other words, there are comedians who have mastered the art of comedy, and comedians who definitely have not.

And as we all know, mastering the art of comedy does not necessarily translate to success or popularity, just as being a cliched hack doesn't mean you'll wallow in obscurity. One only has to look at the state of the sitcom world for evidence of that. For every well-written, well-acted artisticsitcom through history -- Frasier, for instance -- that actually enjoyed commercial success, there are hundreds of hackneyed sitcoms that were wildly popular.

Stand-up comedians like Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks, George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, Jay Leno, Brian Regan, Steve Martin, Robert Klein, Steven Wright, Jonathan Winters, Bob Newhart, Bob Hope, Chris Rock... these guys were or are artists. You might not find their stuff funny, but they're so goddamn good at what they do (or did). They know every nuance of what their act needs to have. It's like a musician who knows that, while a major chord here would be accepted, a minor seventh is the right chord.

I guess what I'm ultimately driving at is, if you want to know whether something that you think is funny is actually good, ask me.

Ta!

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Writing about writing.

A few peeps over in Me Peeps sidebar, namely O'Tim, Jen, Pillock and Paula (and sometimes PJ, thought not enough), write about writing a lot. Specifically, their own writing. I devour that stuff. As a writer who writes writing, I'm fascinated by other writers and what they go through to get their writing written, whatever sort of writing they might be writing. Or have written. I also love reading about other peeps' triumphs and failures, the woo-hoos and the aw-shits. Maybe it's just me, but hearing other people talk about dealing with the same shit I deal with, albeit in different ways, different times and sometimes different countries, makes it a lot easier for me to get back on the horse, dig my heels in, hit the ground running, deal with adversity, pick myself up, put my nose to the grindstone and whatever other cliché you fancy using.

So I'm thinking, maybe I should write about writing, specifically, writing my own writing. Not all the time, mind you. I still have to post pictures of my boy every once in a while to remind you that I can be sufficiently sappy. And I have to post Thursday 13s because I'm a lemming. And I have to post a rant here and there because otherwise I become constipated. But in between those, I'm going to write about my writing.

I'm also finishing up the now one-month-and-a-half-behind-schedule (you) essays. My apologies to those of you who have been eagerly awaiting its launch, and particularly those of you who contributed (many!). What I really need is for someone who can take the design I created and help me program the rest of the site, because that interweblogosphere programming stuff is a real mindfuck sometimes.

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Crazyology

Paula commanded that this meme be done last Friday. Better late than never, eh?

GRUB-OLOGY

What is your salad dressing of choice? Thousand Island
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Good Times (Denver thing)
What is your favorite sit down restaurant? I don't think I have one, to tell you the truth
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 20%
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Pizza
Name three foods you detest above all others. Lima beans, avocado, beets
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Sweet & sour anything
What are your pizza toppings of choice? Sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms, green peppers, Canadian bacon, onions, pineapple, spinach... not all at once, though
What do you like to put on your toast? Real butter & crunch peanut butter, or PJ's homemade strawberry jam
What is your favorite type of gum? Absolutely none, I despise the stuff

TECH-OLOGY

Number of contacts in your cell phone? 133
Number of contacts in your email address book? 613
What is your wallpaper on your computer? Emma, Maddie & Sam
What is your screensaver on your computer? Random slide show of photos in my iPhoto library
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? No, all my pictures are properly attired
How many land line phones do you have in your house? 2 (though they're both cordless!)
How many televisions are in your house? 2
What kitchen appliance do you use the least? The blender
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? NPR or talk -- ALL MUSIC STATIONS SUCK
How many sex toys do you own that require batteries? None. Well, except for the car.

BI-OLOGY

What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? Eye lashes
Are you right handed or left handed? Right-O
Do you like your smile? No, it's crooked
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Planters wart
Would you like to? Got a few moles that are buggin' me
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? Depends on how long I have
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? Taste
When was the last time you had a cavity? I think I have one right now, but my dental insurance hasn't started yet so I'm having to tough it out (true story)
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? Myself every morning
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Oh my yes

MISC-OLOGY

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? No
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? Jack
How do you express your artistic side? Writing, acting and playing guitar
What color do you think you look best in? Green
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? Until they let me out
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? Yep
If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? To steal Paula's response: No.Farooking.Way
How often do you go to church? Not very
Have you ever saved someone's life? Possibly -- someone else probably would have saved the kid from drowning if I hadn't, but I was the first one there
Has someone ever saved yours? Yep -- the woman working at the pool, the paramedics and the doctors after I ran through a sliding glass door and tore my left leg to shreds

DARE-OLOGY

For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much.

Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? I'd do it for $1,000
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Sure
Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? Nay
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? No amount of money
Would you never blog again for $50,000? I'd do it for $10,000 (sorry pals, but I gots a family to feed)
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? Completely naked? No. Wearing nothing but chaps? Absolutely.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Fuck no
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? Only if I get to choose who it is
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? $10,000 and you've got a deal
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? I'd do it for $12,999.99

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1/2 Control Freak, 1/2 ???

You Are 48% Control Freak

Generally, you are in control but not a control freak. You life is usually in order. However, sometimes you get too obsessed with making everything in your life picture perfect.

Are You A Control Freak?

Found this at the Ultrablog.

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13 Movie Lines

Been a while since I did a Thursday Thirteen, but Paula had a cool one last week with song lyrics that I've decided to rip off, albeit using movie lines instead.

See if you can be the first to guess in what movies each of these lines FIRST APPEARED. Oh, and no cheating! No Googling, no calling a friend... the knowledge must reside in your noggin. Bonus point if you know who said the line, too.


NOTE: Jen's on the ball! She got six already. I'll put which ones she got right, but I'll wait to post the correct answers. NOTE II: Paula got one 'cause she's OTD. Jenna hit two impressive ones. If I could get a Jenny and a Jennifer to respond, that would be cool. NOTE III: O'Tim filled in the blanks quite nicely. And the answers are...

13. "Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!"
JENNA - Treasure of the Sierra Madre (this was impressive -- 99% of people who think they know this say Blazing Saddles). Who said it? A Mexican Bandito!

12. "I coulda been somebody instead of a bum, which is what I am."
JEN - Marlon Brando in On the Waterfront (my favorite movie of all time, BTW)

11. "There are those who call me... Tim?"
JEN - Tim the Enchanter (John Cleese) in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, though O'Tim did point out that the actual line is, "To some I am known as... Tim." Though it really should be a question mark, because it is most definitely a question in the movie!

10. "Nuclear combat. Toe to toe with the Rooskies!"
O'TIM - Dr. Stranglove, though his guess was wrong as to who said it; it was Slim Pickins as Major "King" Kong.

9. "When you have to shoot, shoot…don't talk."
O'TIM - The Good, The Bad & The Ugly, and while he didn't know that actor's name (Eli Wallich) he correctly guessed 'twas The Ugly that said it. O'Tim gained major points from me for knowing this one, as it's one of my fav's as well.

8. "You're gonna need a bigger boat."
JEN - Roy Scheider in Jaws. This was a lobbed softball for Jen.

7. "I just want to say one word to you - just one word.... 'plastics.'"
PAULA! - The Graduate, spoken by Mr. McGuire (Walter Brooke)

6. "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"
O'TIM - Peter Finch as Howard Beal in Network

5. "I want my two dollars!"
JEN - The paperboy in Better Off Dead

4. "They call me Mister Tibbs."
JENNA - Sidney Poitier as Detective Virgil Tibbs in In the Heat of the Night

3. "Here's looking at you, kid."
JEN - Casablanca. Bogart. 'Nuff said.

2. "Your mother's in here with us, Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it."
O'TIM - The devil-posessed Reagan in The Exorcist which, I might add, might not be scary today but freaked out the entire country in 1973.

1. "'When you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."
JEN - Bill Murray in Caddyshack, one of the most-quoted comedies of all-time (behind Holy Grail, of course).

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13 Songs

Freakin' pushy Paula was all, "Do a Thursday Thirteen! Do a Thursday Thirteen!" Fine!

13 Rock Songs I Wish I'd Written:

13. Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N' Roses

12. Detroit Rock City by Kiss

11. Back in Black by AC/DC

10. War Pigs by Black Sabbath

9. Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

8. 10 Years Gone by Led Zeppelin

7. Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones

6. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

5. Little Wing by Jimmy Hendrix

4. Highway to Hell by AC/DC

3. Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin

2. Dream On by Aerosmith

1. Voodoo Chile by Jimmy Hendrix


My criteria was based on the following things:

1. Does the guitar kick ass?

2. Is it immediately recognizable from the moment it begins?

3. Is it best turned up loud?

4. Does it get my pulse racing?

5. Does it rock? I mean, really rock? No wimpy shit.

Hey, that was kinda fun! That Paula ain't so bad after all! ;-)

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It's me! It's me!

Writing in my blog is turning out to be much like working out. I do it religiously for a while, but once I break the routine, damn, it's hard to get back to it. Speaking of religion, Paula had this religion test on her blog, so I thought I'd take it too. Here are my top 10 results:

1. Mahayana Buddhism (100%)
2. Neo-Pagan (97%)
3. Unitarian Universalism (93%)
4. Liberal Quakers (87%)
5. New Age (87%)
6. Taoism (78%)
7. Theravada Buddhism (78%)
8. Mainline - Liberal Christian Protestants (73%)
9. Secular Humanism (72%)
10. Jainism (59%)

Just what you'd expect from a guy who was raised Lutheran, eh? It appears Paula and I are pretty similar, except I'm a bit embarassed that I'm more new age than she. Paula, how many Windham Hill CDs do you have?



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Linked, linking and licking.

So first PJ linked me, which is cool because I dig her writing but also not that big of a surprise because she's my ma. Then Paula linked me, which is way cool because she's made me snarf milk out my nose before. Not only did she link me, but she told everyone that she linked me. She also said something about me posting more, which I'm in the process of doing, and something about having a comments section, which, once I figure out how to do that shit, I'm down. Zen got all pushy, saying I should link him, so I did because I'm passive and non-confrontational and he frightens me. Perhaps he'll link me out of pity.

Lick.

That's all I got right now.


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