[BFE] Rehearsals start Sunday; A song excerpt

As some of you know, I've co-written a stage musical comedy entitled BFE: The Town that Christmas Forgot. Here's the promo copy:

A long time ago in a town ridiculously far from anything, something horrible happened: Christmas ceased to exist.

No Christmas carols, no letters to Santa, no gifts to open Christmas morning. But one day a stranger shows up in the town and, upon discovering its dark secret, sets out to teach the people of BFE just what Christmas is all about.

Bad idea.

In Rattlebrain's newest original musical comedy, writers D.S. and J.K. have created their most unique and ambitious show to date. This darkly hilarious trip to BFE includes 12 original songs with lyrics by D.S. and J.K., and musical arrangements by M.O. For those looking for something a little different this holiday season, BFE: The Town That Christmas Forgot will be a must-see.

We finally have a final script! Of course, that means it'll change 20-something times before we open November 24th, but now the changes will be created during rehearsals with real actors exploring the characters.

In other words, now it gets fun.

There are seven characters in the show: six townspeople and the "stranger," Tyler Robertson. All of the townspeople have the same names as celebrities, though that's purely coincidence and none of them are even aware of the celebrities' existence: Joey Lawrence, Clive Barker, Elizabeth Shue, Burt Reynolds (the Mayor), Lonnie Anderson and Terry Bradshaw (a female). We'd pre-cast four of the roles -- Terry, Clive, Elizabeth and Joey. Joey's the bad guy, in a manner of speaking. I get to play him. Tyler comes to town, he and Terry fall in love, Terry used to be Joey's girl, so Joey kills Tyler at the end of the first act. Comedy!

We held auditions this past week and got some phenomenally talented people to fill the other roles. The guy we cast as Tyler has an incredible voice! So I'm boiling over with excitement.

For a taste, here are the lyrics I wrote to "Bum Fuck Egypt," the theme song to BFE.

There's a place that you say
When you mean across the way
You can drive a thousand miles and never see
Everyone knows its name
And it's said with great disdain
Because getting here's a pain
So no one ever comes to BFE

It was not always so
In a time so long ago
People found our little town so touristy
They would come from miles away
Someone new every day!
Then what happened, who can say
But no one comes to BFE

Bum Fuck Egypt
BFE
It's an acronym you see
BFE
Bum Fuck Egypt
When you say it in reverse
Egypt Fuck Bum, that's much worse

And so now you've arrived
Your long journey you've survived
Yes, you're here and you're alive, how exciting
We will treat you as our own
Make you feel like you're at home
Unless your home's somewhere in Rome
BFE's not much like Italy

For how long will you stay?
Another song, another day?
Maybe all the way until this play's ending
If we seem a little crazed
That's just because we're dazed
You're a guest and we're amazed
Because no one comes to BFE

Bum Fuck Egypt
BFE
All the townsfolk here agree
BFE
When you say it in reverse
Egypt Fuck Bum, that's much worse
BFE

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