Friday Confessions

I lick the knife after putting peanut butter on my English muffin. When speaking, I rarely finish my... what I mean is... you know what I mean. I don't change my oil often enough. I'm reading The Wizard of Oz for the first time. The older I get, the more lactose intolerant I get. I love milk. And ice cream. I'm a Do-It-Yourselfer. I've thrown a Molotov Cocktail. I was once dared to stack four Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, put them all in my mouth and try to chew and swallow them. I tried. I really, really tried. I couldn't do it, therefore it can't be done. Height: 6'1", Weight: 185 lbs., Hair: Brown, Eyes: Hazel. I miss The Rockford Files. I think the song "You're So Vain" is about me. I like chocolate shakes, but lurrrrrve chocolate malts. I never anticipated how entertaining my son would be. I lick my finger and touch the iron to see if it's hot.

Friday Confessions

I hate workplace jargon, and go out of my way not to use it. When I was about 13 I once held the stem of a bottle rocket between my teeth, lit the fuse and launched it on a dare. We had a "party line" when I was growing up. Who knows what that is? (PJ, you are disqualified from answering that) I could climb trees like a monkey when I was a boy. Still can, but don't nearly enough. My college car, a 1979 Chevy Monza hatchback (can't believe I found that brochure online, because that's EXACTLY what my car looked like!), had a blown head gasket so it would literally throw oil whenever the car was running, getting on the engine and smoking so badly people would tell me that my car was on fire. It wasn't. I sometimes skip, just to add some variety to my walking routine. I can't stand watching auto racing, yet I have a secret desire to be a racecar driver. I could do it, too, you know. I'm that good. I have a sign in my office that says, "Complaints? Ask for Heywood Jablomy," and for the first time I had someone look at it and ask me who Heywood Jablomy is. I laughed a hearty laugh at that. I still love The Cars' first album, The Cars. I hate gum, and I hate hate hate it when people chew gum with their mouths open. Or chew anything with their mouths open, for that matter. I am irrationally afraid of being buried alive.

Friday Confessions

I don't like being stranded in Dallas. Or anywhere, for that matter. I just got a new cell phone and it's really cool in a super-geek sort of way. I watch Lost. And Heroes. Steven Wright is one of my favorite comics ever. I have skinny legs. I crack my knuckles. I had lasik seven years ago, and it worked so well I can see through clothing. Not really, but I did order X-ray glasses off the back of a comic book when I was about 10 years old. They didn't work either. My son started walking when I was in Dallas. I love pie, all pie, any pie, including cheesecake, which is a pie. I've been making a concerted effort to eat a healthy diet and, what do you know, I feel a lot better. I still drink coffee, though. Love my coffee. I tried some guacamole on Tuesday. Still hate it. Pants: 36x34. Shirt: 16x35. Jacket: 44R. Shoes: 11-1/2.

Friday Confessions

I shot and killed a bird with a BB gun when I was 12, and it made me cry. I went to a Lutheran school until 5th grade. I've owned 16 cars in 20 years. One of them was a 1984 Pontiac Fiero. It was PJ's before it was mine. I voted for Michael Dukakis. I can make my hiccups go away using nothing but pure will. I was in this movie with this actress. I've never seen it. My favorite temperature is 75˚ Farenheit. My favorite time of day is dusk. I can grow an impressively full beard in one week. I like McDonald's fries and Burger King's burgers. I love old martial arts flicks. I believe marijuana should be legalized, though I haven't smoked it in quite a long time. I have an alter ego named Ernie Campari. He's an infomercial host. I would love to run for office as Ernie Campari and see how long I could get away with it.

Friday Confessions

I alphabetize my DVDs. And CDs. I drove and subsequently flipped my step-dad's car when I was 13. I never graduated from college. I like the Little River Band. I used to smoke. I've shoplifted. I rarely finish my. I start more projects than I finish. I have a comic book collection. I used to play my tennis racket like a guitar while lipsyncing Ratt's Round and Round. I love every Disney movie made before 1980. My sophomore year at Michigan State I drank about 14 kamikazes during a progressive party in my dorm, stumbled to my room and passed out, only to be awakened a couple hours later by my roommate, his girlfriend, and half the girls on our floor, as I lay completely naked on my bean bag in the middle of the room. I love shoes.

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Friday Confessions

I'm feeling a bit surly today. My cold is finally starting to subside, but I'm allergic to something in the ventilation system here at work so I still have the sniffly wifflies and coughly woughlies. I've been chugging water like nobody's business, which has resulted in trips to the bathroom every 30–40 minutes. I've never played sudoku. I don't even know what it is. I'm still biting my fingernails. I've been sucked into the world of Heroes and I think Hiro is adorable. I'm lactose intolerant yet I still drink milk and eat ice cream. I've never read The Canterbury Tales. I care what people think. I used to be a 32 but bought a 34 because I didn't like my pants too tight, but now I'm experiencing a phenemonon much like when you move into a big house and can't fill half the rooms but five years later need to move into a bigger house because you've run out of room. I have to figure out a way to explain to my children why they can't get tattoos even though I have three. I play music in my car much louder than I should. I have an irrational fear of dropping my son. I'm hairy. I'm a hypocrite. I'm the most fidgety person who ever existed. Ask PJ. I have adult ADD. Ask PJ. And my wife. And my kids. And my cow orkers. And my friends. What was I writing about?

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