Friday, May 04, 2007

Friday Confessions

I hate workplace jargon, and go out of my way not to use it. When I was about 13 I once held the stem of a bottle rocket between my teeth, lit the fuse and launched it on a dare. We had a "party line" when I was growing up. Who knows what that is? (PJ, you are disqualified from answering that) I could climb trees like a monkey when I was a boy. Still can, but don't nearly enough. My college car, a 1979 Chevy Monza hatchback (can't believe I found that brochure online, because that's EXACTLY what my car looked like!), had a blown head gasket so it would literally throw oil whenever the car was running, getting on the engine and smoking so badly people would tell me that my car was on fire. It wasn't. I sometimes skip, just to add some variety to my walking routine. I can't stand watching auto racing, yet I have a secret desire to be a racecar driver. I could do it, too, you know. I'm that good. I have a sign in my office that says, "Complaints? Ask for Heywood Jablomy," and for the first time I had someone look at it and ask me who Heywood Jablomy is. I laughed a hearty laugh at that. I still love The Cars' first album, The Cars. I hate gum, and I hate hate hate it when people chew gum with their mouths open. Or chew anything with their mouths open, for that matter. I am irrationally afraid of being buried alive.

13 comments:

Joe the Troll said...

"I can't stand watching auto racing, yet I have a secret desire to be a racecar driver."

George Carlin had it right..... no one wants to watch a bunch of inbreeds driving 500 miles in a circle..... they want to see a guy running across the track, beating his own head to put the flames out.

If we won the contest were were in last quarter at work, then the prize money goes to doing that racecar driving thing we did last fall again. THAT would be COOL.

Emma said...

I know EXACTLY what a party line is. My best friend had one growing up. I would use it as my excuse when I forgot to call my mother to tell her I would be late.

Sour Grapes said...

Live burial -- a very common fear. Here's some background on it to fuel your nightmares, I mean research:
http://tinyurl.com/2e7bm4

Jeff Kos said...

Thanks for that, SG. Seriously. I hate you. Did you ever see The Vanishing? I get short of breath just thinking about it. Argh!

Joe the Troll said...

Ever read any Poe, Jeff? I suggest Fall of the House of Usher.

Eden said...

Ooh a party line. Were you rural or just liked to share? ;)

Do you also cringe when you see people being buried in the sand at the beach?

Jeff Kos said...

Love Poe, Joe. Because I love to be scared, and nothing scares me worse than being buried alive. "For the love of God, Montressor!"

Rural, Eden. Really, really rural. And I'm really claustrophobic (thus the fear of being buried alive), so the thought of being buried in sand gives me the heebie jeebies too.

Paula said...

I'm more afraid of big empty spaces and an eternity of nothingness. It will, of course, be over instantly like anesthesia, except it won't ever. STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! Okay. I'm going downstairs to get a snack now. Bye.

Looney said...

Party line! We had one of those when I was 7-10 in li'l ol' Fallon, NV...

PJ said...

Sheesh, I'd forgotten all about that party line. As for the car, I remember it well. We had a garage sale and a woman backed into it and then started talking shit at you and I would have knocked her out cold in the street if you hadn't told me to back off. I was such a good mom.

Joe the Troll said...

""For the love of God, Montressor!"

Is it naughty to have giggly fantasies about doing that to your enemies? I thought so.

Anyway, I tried an Amontillado a few years ago because of that story, and loved it. In fact, I think I'll go get a bottle this week, it's been a while.

Jenna said...

I grew up with a "party line" too. And now my 7-year-old is whining that he doesn't have his own phone in his own room.

I feel old.

Webmiztris said...

I've heard about party lines, but I never used one. instead we prank called 800 numbers because we were that cool.