Door dings.

The rear doors of my one-year-old Outback are covered in little door dings. About five or six on the passenger side and three or four on the driver's side.

I hate door dings.

Why are they on the rear doors?

Kids.

Kids throw their doors open and bang them into whatever's next to them. I know this, because my kids do it. I tell them not to. I remind them to be careful. No matter, they still do it. It's not intentional, mind you. I just don't think 12- and 10-year-old kids have developed any sort of spatial awareness yet. Advanced concepts such as proximity, depth and momentum have yet to become innate.

So I can't get overly angry about the dings in my doors, because I know my kids have put dings in other people's doors. It's a karmic thing, I suppose.

Unless, of course, you don't have any kids. Then I suppose the door dings aren't really fair to you. Maybe they should have parent parking, where only folks with kids park so we all just ding away at each other.

Then again, if you do get door dings and you're not a parent, it's probably because of something bad you did to a kid once. I'm sure if you think hard enough you'll remember something.

Why can't they make the doors a little more durable or pliable? Perhaps have a section in the middle that's made of rubber, or a sponge. Or an invisible force field that stops the door just before it connects. Some kind of Star Wars shit like that would be pretty cool here.

Well, my apologies to anyone's doors that have been dinged by my kids. I assure you, I've been paid back.

Oh, and if you're an adult who dings doors, you're a dick. Stop it.

READ HALOSCAN COMMENTS.