Best bullshit in town.

I was just walking over to Whole Paycheck to grab a sandwich for lunch and saw a sign for a place around here that claimed they had the best chips and salsa in town. The claim was backed up, too: they actually were voted Best Chips and Salsa in Town in the annual Best of Denver competition that Westword Magazine puts on every year.

Best chips and salsa?

Um...

Who cares?

Are you really going to choose a restaurant based on their chips and salsa? Don't get me wrong, I love chips and salsa. It's one of those things that, as long as it's in front of me, I'll just keep on eating. But it's munchies, you know? Appetizer. If you have a menu full of food, and the only thing you can claim is that you have the best chips and salsa in town, then that means the highlight of your meal is over before you get your entree. Talk about disappointing.

The whole Best of Denver thing is pretty annoying. While there are definitely categories worth paying attention to -- Best Hangover Breakfast, Best Burrito, Best Sushi, Best Non-surgical Facelift -- there are some really, really stupid ones.

• Best Late-night Haircut: If you're going to get your hair cut at 2 a.m., you're drunk, and if you're drunk, you're going to regret that haircut.


• Best Doggy Dress-up: If you dress your doggy up, you should go to prison.


• Best Show About Andy Warhol: How the hell many were there? I coun't one.


• Best Artist at Pissing Off the Right Wing: That's like saying "Best Star in the Galaxy at Being Hot." Every artist pisses off the right wing!


• Best Guy Who Spends 40 Hours a Week at Band Practice: Get better, dude, then you won't have to practice so much.

Many, many more. I know I'm being crabby, but I guess I'm getting sick of all the best this and best that that's besieged society. At least with these Westword ones they've been voted on by someone, so there's a tiny bit of substance to them. Most businesses nowadays will just make whatever claim they feel like. How many restaurants use the terms "Fine Food" or "Gourmet" now? Not just restaurants, but products in a grocery store too. Nothing is fine or gourmet anymore. Nothing is truly the best or number one. Nothing is prime or choice or grade A or recommended. Because everything is.

Do you pay attention to claims?

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