For any men out there who are ever in a position where, for whatever reason, you have to drive a minivan, listen closely:
No matter how fast you drive; no matter how quickly you hit the gas when the light turns green; no matter how closely you tailgate people or how many lanes you can change without signaling, you're still driving a fucking minivan.
You're in a minivan, and you're pissed about that, and you should be. But it doesn't give you carte blanche to drive like a douche bag.
Tuck your polo shirt with the corporate logo on the chest into your Dockers, turn up the Baby Beethoven, drink a can of Diet Dr. Pepper with a straw and slow the fuck down. You cannot look hip in a Chrysler Town & Country, so give it up.
Next up: Women in Big SUVs.
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