Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Common Ground

While people from different nations & cultures have many, many differences, I'd also like to point out that we all share many things as well. These things are what bind us together as human beings. When it seems we exist only on opposite sides, think on this list of common ground. Perhaps add your own. It proves we are all brothers and sisters.

  • If one wishes to paint the walls one color but the trim another, one uses masking tape.

  • If one inhales pepper, one will sneeze.

  • If one is walking with a friend, and one's friend trips and falls in a goofy manner without injury, one will laugh, if only on the inside.

  • If one puts the top down on one's convertible, and it suddenly starts raining, one will either say or think, "Figures," in one's native language.

  • Stubbing one's pinky toe hurts like a bitch.

  • If one unexpectedly puts something bad-tasting in one's mouth, one will make a funny face, unless one is trying to be polite to the person who prepared the bad-tasting something, in which case one will still make a funny face, just not the same as the other funny face.

26 comments:

DangerDoll: said...

That was beautiful, dude. I'm feeling all Benetton and singing "We Are The World" right now.

Joe the Troll said...

Ooooooh, I HATE stubbing the pinky toe!

Here's another:

One's soul can always be touched by some type of music.

Paula said...

Kitties are cute everywhere. :)

Sour Grapes said...

If one is walking past some members of the opposite sex, and stumbles, one will make an effort to pretend it was either intentional or ironic.

Sour Grapes said...

He who throws his hand in the air to attract a waiter will, when the waiter fails to respond, scratch his ear.

Sour Grapes said...

On seeing the sign, "Beware of pickpockets" one will pat one's wallet, thus making the pickpockets' job easier.

Jeff said...

SG's on a roll!

PJ said...

If one is walking bare-chested on the beach, and one is a male, and one passes by several nubile babes in bikinis, one will suck in one's chest in an attempt to make one feel like one's beer belly doesn't show.

Mark said...

"If one wishes to paint the walls one color but the trim another, one uses masking tape."

I use a cut-in brush, and no tape, because the paint tends to bleed under the masking tape. Ask any professional painter, he'll tell you the same thing.

Other than that...

;o)>

O' Tim said...

Mark beat me to it. Amateurs!

When one has business cards printed up one will give away as many as possible because who the fuck needs 1000 business cards?

fringes said...

Note to self: at diversity conference, remove PowerPoint slide about the painting tape. May accidentally sidetrack from bigger issue.

Mark said...

Fringes:

There have to be at least two contrarians in any group. It's an unwritten rule.

jennyjinx said...

If no one is looking, one will pick one's nose.

Jeff said...

I should have been more specific, stating that one was using a gun to shoot the walls, and while one would most definitely use a cut-in brush for the finish work, one would mask off the trim to avoid any unwanted spray from the gun. One is not an amateur.

fringes said...

I am a born contrarian, Mark. Can I join? Wait, I don't do groups. Or PowerPoint. I just can't fit in anywhere. Ignore me.

Juan José Zabala Calderón said...

http://jotajotazabala.blogspot.com/

Mark said...

"I should have been more specific, stating that one was using a gun to shoot the walls, and while one would most definitely use a cut-in brush for the finish work, one would mask off the trim to avoid any unwanted spray from the gun. One is not an amateur."

Well than in that case one wouldn't use just masking tape. One would use masking tape and paper. In a hand-masker. Probably made by the 3M Company.

The devil's in the details...

Mark said...

"Stubbing one's pinky toe hurts like a bitch."

Oh, yeah, I meant to ask, what if one was born with webbed feet?

*ducking and running, but LMAO!*

Webmiztris said...

"If one wishes to paint the walls one color but the trim another, one uses masking tape."

that one doesn't go for everybody. apparently the lazy bitch who owned our house before thought she could just wing it. LOOKS. LIKE. SHIT. lol

O' Tim said...

Amateur Jeff - if the trim is "finish work," why spend time masking it (i.e. painting it first)?

Love,

Smart-Ass Ex-House Painter (who is glad to keep us all going on this substantive issue)

P.S. - Could you all please look the other way for a minute so I can pick my nose?

Mark said...

Well I was gonna mention that I have yet to see a PROFESSIONAL painter mask the trim since what O'Tim said is correct, but I didn't want to appear to be the ONLY argumentative one of the bunch.

Let's review:

Cut-in brush.

Spray walls first.

Paint trim second.

WITH cut-in brush.

NO tape required.

If you've seen the price of masking tape lately, we just saved everyone a fuckload of money.

I am more than willing to split any and all tips for this valuable public service with O'Tim.

Next up:

Why paint last when you mix it in with your sheetrock texture?

Okay, wait, wait, that was bullshit...

I hope no one really tries that.

Jeff said...

Holy crap you guys are annoying. It's a repainting of a living room. The trim is stained. I want to keep the trim just as it is. I'm using a gun on the walls. So I use tape, and yes, paper, to protect the trim. Which is exactly what I did when I worked for College Painters while in school. NOW STOP ANNOYING ME OR I WILL BE FORCED TO TAUNT YOU A SECOND TIME.

Jeff said...

Wait a sec... you know what just occurred to me? Mark & O'Tim -- two guys who disagree on nearly everything -- are completely validating the premise of this post!

Mark said...

What makes that all the more spectafuckingtacular is that we just had a huge blowup two days ago. I don't know about O'Tim, but never was one for holding grudges anyway, especially with someone who never came at me sideways anyway.

Shit happens and shit passes. Balls in your court, O'Tim. Do with it what you will.

I have no expectations nor will there be any resentments.

DangerDoll: said...

{sniffle}

{reaches for tissue}

Teacake said...

The professional painter I use tapes. *shrug* Just saying. He does lovely work.