Saturday, August 11, 2007

Turn out the lights. Lock it up.

It's been a fun ride, friends, but Boiled Dinner is closing its doors.

I've recently watched a number of folks whose blogs I read either hang it up entirely or cut back dramatically, and I selfishly got pissed at them. I enjoyed their stuff; how dare they take that away from me!

But at the same time, I started facing the fact that I just wasn't enjoying it nearly as much as I used to. And that's for no other reason than blog friendships gone bad.

Not mine, so much. I've managed to live my blog life much like my real life -- being a peacekeeper, and a horder of a huge variety of friends.

But friendships between friends of mine went bad, and the fallout from that, and the ramifications of where I comment and who comments at Boiled Dinner, have flushed the enjoyment I used to get from blogging right down the shitter.

This is not an indictment of anyone. I admit, I've been pissed about it, and the last straw was my mom getting chastised for doing a guest post at someone's blog, and someone else coming to her defense, and someone else getting brought into it, and other people... All because PJ did a guest post, and a hell of a great guest post at that. I can't imagine anyone who knows me would be surprised that I'll stand with my mom when I don't agree with her, let alone when she's getting pummeled because of where she decides to do a post. That was complete and utter bullshit, no matter how you spin it.

But over the last couple days I've thought a lot, and corresponded with a few folks, about this stuff. I'm finally looking at it like I should have long ago; like a divorce. I've got some experience in that department, so that frame of reference helped immensely. When you're the outsider in a divorce, you're all of a sudden put in a position of having to choose. One group of friends becomes two separate groups. Or three. Or four. However many it becomes, it's never one again. And you're angry because it shouldn't be that way. You shouldn't lose friends, you aren't the one getting the divorce. So you try to be friends with both, but you know how that goes. It doesn't.

That's what it's been like around here. And to complicate matters, it's not just one divorce. It's a few. And yet, since I've not been the center of any of it, I've been resentful that when I start hopping around my regular blog check, I have to think, should I comment here? Will I piss off so-and-so if I comment here? It's like walking into a bar with one group of post-divorce friends and seeing the other group. Can I say hi? Can I go have a beer with them? Can I be friends with all of them?

Nope. I may have thought so at one time, but my inner Pollyanna on this topic is dead.

People have been avoiding my blog, not because of me, but because of other people who visit my blog. I've been delinked from blogrolls, not because of what I said, but because of what I didn't say, or what other blogrolls I'm on or other blogs I comment at.

Again, not laying blame or pointing fingers at anyone. Divorce is messy, no two ways about it. When you're caught in the crossfire, you get hit. A bunch.

So I'm doing the only thing that makes sense for me. I'm closing the doors on my blog. I'll still lurk around, popping up here and there in comments a la Teacake, the blogger formerly known as Nobody. And I'll definitely continue to contribute to Film Freaks, which is a way-cool haven for positivity and a shared passion for movies. Someday, perhaps, I'll do as Paula did and start blogging again from scratch. But this will be the last post on Boiled Dinner.

Before I close the doors for good, I want to thank the following for their contributions to this blog, whether major or minor, over the past three years:

Archer, Arleen, Asbestos Dust, Babs, Becky, Brad, Cheezy, DangerDoll, David, Dawn, Don, Eden, Emma, Fez, Fringe, Gekko, Heath, HumanityCritic, Jackson, Jane, Jen, Jenna, JennyJinx, Jodi, Joe the Troll, Keera, Kim, Krissy, LawWench, Looney, Lucy, Mamma, Mark, Nat, Nikki, Ole Blue, O'Tim, Paticus, Paula, PJ, Ravenous, Rob, Roy, Ruth, Sal, Schadenfreude, Social Worker, Sour Grapes, Throckey, Venessa, Wiggy, and Zen.

Because of these people, I've had some incredibly thought-provoking conversations here. As well as some hilarious ones. You may not all like each other, and I may not like all of each of you, but I love some of all of you, and all of many of you. If you get my meaning.

I would like to especially thank everyone who participated in Movie Madness. That was a riot. Look for it again next year at Film Freaks.

I would also like to point out that this post got the most comments of any post on Boiled Dinner -- 74.

Okay, enough stalling. Time to turn out the lights, close the door, lock it, and head out.

Peace, everyone.

See you somewhere else.

ADDENDUM: I just wanted to clarify that this decision was NOT the result of any one event, person or situation. It's a culmination of many things spanning many months. So please, the last thing I want to see is people pointing the finger and blaming others. Also, I really appreciate all the kind words in the comments. I'm pretty overwhelmed, to be honest. One thing: I'm a writer, and an comedian, and an attention hound. What better place to get a fix for those three addictions than a blog? I'll be back.

40 comments:

Natsthename said...

Jeff, well said. I feel we are paddling along in the same boat.

No need to thank me, it was fun to read and comment here!

I'll keep looking forward to your Film Freaks posts/comments until you decide it's time to rejoin the blogworld.

And, thanks for your nice comment on my 3-Day walk post.

DangerDoll said...

Heart you, Jeff.

Jodie K said...

Heart you more.

Hope you AND PJ come back by when the vibe is right.

Heath said...

I'm very sorry to see you closing up shop. It seems like too many people are getting to this point these days.

I sure hope this type of collaborative communication doesn't go to the wayside in favour of social networking sites (which bore me).

Best wishes, and I look forward to seeing you around the blogosphere.

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Well, this was quite the surprise for me. I sure do understand it. I've actually done it. I got so mad, I just deleted several blogs, to my chagrin. They are now porn sites and so on, bad ones at that and I sure as hell became madder at myself for it.

People can be so damn petty, can't they? Enough said. I hope you'll stop by for a beer or 20 and visit me at Babs Bitchin and Dirty Bitch (wear sun glasses and a hat, nobody'll recognize you.

I will miss you, even if I wasn't a regular. I am busier than a Pedo at Boys Town with my advice sites in affiliation w/the T.V. programs and so on. But I'll miss ya and tell Sam, I've got a Sam, I want him to meet in roughly, 16 years, ok?

Hugz

PJ said...

I'm sorry Jeff.

I love you.

Cheezy said...

Best wishes, mate. I kinda missed out on the controversy that seems to have kicked all this off, but I definitely sympathise with how you're feeling - some people can behave like real idiots online. If only people moderated their behaviour and treated people the same as they do in person, I reckon things would progress a lot more smoothly. Take care and I hope to see you around.

Jeff said...

You have nothing to be sorry about, and I'd say that even if you weren't the one who birthed me.

I love you too.

Emma said...

You're the second blog in my blogroll to call in quits in the past week. I enjoyed my time here and look forward to getting the chance to pop in at Film Freaks more in the coming days/weeks/months. Movie Madness what a hoot! Thanks so much for that. And thanks for the shout out. Please stop by my place and feel free to comment whenever the mood strikes you.

Peace.
Emma.

Ole Blue The Heretic said...

I think our lives become more important than sitting in front of a computer spouting off about what ever comes to mind.

Blogging has also taken the time away from my writing more than has helped it, I understand.

Kudos to you

PJ said...

I love you too.

You meant that for Cheezy, right? I mean, it's right after his comment, so you know, I just figured ...

[tee hee]

Mamma said...

Sadness descends...

I hope you'll let me know where you pop up again. I knew nothing of the blog fights/divorces and therefore will promise to come read you no matter where you go.

But I understand.

Looney said...

Well, shoot. Do I ever understand. That sort of environment definitely contributed to my exit, I must say. I guess I didn't want to be so direct about it... Watch yer email, dood.

It shouldn't be that way, but when you got a group of people, well, what do we expect, right?

Dang it... Now I gots one less place to hang out :-(

David Rochester said...

I'll miss Boiled Dinner, and in the hope that you intend to leave your archives up, I'm planning to leave you linked over at QV. BD was a blog that always had posts I enjoyed reading, though I didn't always have much to say in the conversation. I especially loved your new Film Noir design -- it literally always made me smile, no matter how many times I saw it.

I do understand why you're closing up shop, but I know I'm one among many net friends who will consider the blogosphere a colder place without you and your family. Please be sure to include me on the list of people you notify if you rev up elsewhere.

Regards, respect, film reels, and affection --

David

Don said...

Criminy.

What cheeses me off is that the drama and the semi-side-taking, as I've seen it, mostly go back ultimately to one particular very caustic personality, the one who manipulates people (especially unhappy woman, and please forgive me but that's my interpretation), edits other people's comments, and shares information from private emails without permission. It's incredible the effect one person can have. (Not that many other persons' failings haven't contributed, don't get me wrong.)

I'm always on the edge of quitting, myself, but mainly because blogging tends to be bad for one's writing and especially can be bad for the sense one has of oneself as a social person. I don't see you as having those issues at all, so frankly I don't understand how it can appear you are getting chased off the field by the behavior of others. It makes me wonder, what divorce? What the hell is it that I'm missing? In my ignorance, I therefore can only wish you the very best, and hope to see you around in whatever form you choose. You're a fun, energetic, interesting guy and have an awesome family too.

ravenous said...

(x-posted)

Well that completely sucks!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I was out of the loop on the kerfluffle. I just got up to speed today on it all. I am so sorry for the way your mom was treated. People can be idiots sometimes and, on the internet, the likelihood of that increases ten fold while civility plummets.

You are one of the good guys. Please let me know if you decide to write again.

Don said...

Oh, that looks like I'm trying to start a fight. I'm sorry if it does, I am not. It is my nature to explain and fix, not to smile and ignore. Best wishes all round.

PJ said...

am so sorry for the way your mom was treated.

Thank you. I appreciate that very much.

PJ said...

the drama and the semi-side-taking, as I've seen it, mostly go back ultimately to one particular very caustic personality, the one who manipulates people (especially unhappy woman, and please forgive me but that's my interpretation), edits other people's comments, and shares information from private emails without permission. It's incredible the effect one person can have.

Don. You and I have been friends for a long time. Listen to me, please.

When Jeff wrote this:

When you're the outsider in a divorce, you're all of a sudden put in a position of having to choose ... And you're angry because it shouldn't be that way. You shouldn't lose friends, you aren't the one getting the divorce. So you try to be friends with both, but you know how that goes. It doesn't.

he meant it. He wants to be friends with everyone, and he doesn't want to have to choose between them. Bringing up one particular very caustic personality in the wake of Jeff writing a poignant, heartfelt post like this just further proves the point he was trying to make.

He is closing this blog down in peace. Please just give him the peace he seeks.

Please.

Don said...

PJ, I came back just now to delete my comment because a little time helped me see it was not helpful. But I was too late. You are right. No more outa me.

PJ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mark said...

"I want to thank the following for their contributions to this blog"

Thanks for letting me be one of those whop contributed, Jeff.

Adios, amigo.

gekko said...

As I said in the comments on my blog post, I'm gonna miss you. Your blog was a truly bright spot. I'm not talking only about the garish red background color.

Enjoy life, Jeff. See ya 'round.

Eden said...

Sorry to hear it but happy for your decision. See you at Film Freaks :)

Asbestos Dust said...

Gotta agree with ya, guy. Life's too short, grandkids grow too fast, and stress will kill ya.

On the other hand, I do purely wish more people would just learn how to laugh at the dipshits and use the phrase "Oh Just Fuck Off" a lot.

Works for me, anyhow.

In the meantime, places to hang out become fewer and further between...

- AD -
(Glad everyone likes ME anyhow...)

blurbees.com said...

well, yeah, everybody likes you, AD, FFS.

what's not to like?

anyway, everyone feel free to come play (and maybe even get paid to play) at bickerfest.com where whatever happened here (which i don't have clue one about but it sure smells like some sort of misc.writing fiasco) could NEVER happen, because _i'm_ managing the fucking bickerfest, and i'm a creative genius (and a Sicilian) and i won't allow it.

ciao.

The Wench said...

Goodbye, good luck and don't be a stranger.

Keera Ann Fox said...

"She came for her usual feast, and all she got were leftovers."

I totally get the divorce-and-friends thing, both in real life and in the blogosphere. I'm gonna miss your blog and your excellent writing, Jeff.

Don't be a stranger.

Krissy said...

I guess I can understand, life gets busy and you have to choose what is important. I don't know a whole lot about blog-life, I just liked reading what you had to say, because..well, I always enjoyed hearing what you had to say all those many years ago at camp. Moving as often as we do, we don't have a lot of close friends, and it was nice having you on your blog as my long distance friend again.

Heck, I even got Steve to read some of your stuff!!

So, yes, I will miss your blog, it was really the only way I could keep up with what was happening in Jeff's world.

Now, you'll just have to send out mass emails, like I do, to everyone.

Hope to keep in touch, we hope to visit out there next summer, and with Miriam and John in Highlands Ranch now, we'll spend a little more time in Denver rather than just passing through to Longmont.

PJ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PJ said...

That deleted comment was mine; I made a typo and it was driving me nuts so I'm writing it over.

Keep this stuff coming, you guys. If enough of us tell Jeff how much we love him, and how much we can't live without his blog, and how much we love reading what he writes, and how he has zillions and zillions of pals in BlogBlogLand, and how if he closes down Boiled Dinner (which I used to cook for him for supper, but that's another subject), we might all just dry up and blow away in the wind, sort of like when leaves dry up and blow away in the wind and then catch fire and burn down a whole forest and it takes a thousand years to grow back.

Where was I? Oh yes, TELL HIM HE CAN'T GO.

There's power in numbers, folks.

Now let the wailing begin!!

Teacake said...

You may not all like each other, and I may not like all of each of you, but I love some of all of you, and all of many of you. If you get my meaning

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. "

'k, well, I didn't follow most of the bloggedydramastuff, but, I hope you'll do movie madness up on film freaks next year. 'til then I'll see you 'round the net.

Looney said...

YaaaAAiiiiiIIIIiiiiiii...
*kssshh* - *kssshh*

There, that was wailing *and* gnashing of teeth!

:-)

Schadenfreude said...

Would that I had known you before Movie Madness -- you are definitely one of those rare people who has a truly good soul.

I hope you continue to lurk and even pop up from time to time. As my mom always said, "a little bit of somethin is better than a whole lot of nuthin." Especially when it's something good.

Be well.

Schad

Beware: Social Worker on the edge said...

Jeff,
I am sorry to hear that you are shutting it down. I am a recent follower and have really enjoyed your posts. It's a shame that you expereinced what you did.

I hope your enjoy your new free time with your family and hope to see a comment or two from you.

Take care and thanks for the shout out!

Kate

Jenna said...

Gonna miss you, Jeff, but I understand your need for a break. Take it easy and enjoy life and the family. I look forward to the day you feel like returning.

Webmiztris said...

yeah, I've noticed blogging hasn't been that fun lately either. good luck with everything and I'll miss ya!

Mark said...

"I'll be back."

Way cool...

O' Tim said...

Well I agree with PJ - you shouldn't let this site go. I mean, what the hell kinda porn site is gonna end up on Boiled Dinner? Yecchh.

Anyway, I'm glad we came to an understanding on it all, especially the part about what it means to be a friend. And from the looks of these comments, I'm one among many.

Via con FSM, master of all dinners that are boiled, and whose noodly appendage has indeed worked in mysterious ways amongst us.

venessa said...

Ack. Bummer. Hope you come back. And visit me once in a while.