Saturday, February 04, 2006

The Lowest Common Denominator are Beating Themselves Up. Boo Freaking Hoo.

DumbassesThis backyard wrestling move gets a 9.5. That's a full two points higher than the collective I.Q. of the brain surgeons performing it.

While watching CNN the other night, I saw a report on a "disturbing activity" that's become popular among some teenage boys: backyard wrestling. Basically they're gathering in someone's backyard and literally beating the shit out of each other. They use props like toasters, 2x4s and even fire. They break bones, draw blood and rack each other in the nuts with PVC pipe.

It was a highly entertaining feature to watch, mostly because the slant was, "Your son may be doing this." Yet as I was looking at the guys inflicting the pain on each other, I was thinking, do they really think the parents of these kids are watching CNN? Not. Try TNN. You didn't need to actually see these dimwits do anything to surmise that they'll never be a threat to be featured in Esquire Magazine's "The Best and the Brightest" issue. Then they start beating each other up and I start fucking applauding! This is what natural selection is all about! It's even better than that, because rather than getting taken out by stronger predators, they're taking themselves out.

Don't get me wrong; when I was a teenager, I did some horrifically stupid and dangerous things. But here's the big difference: I went into it thinking, if I succeed, I won't get hurt. When these guys succeed, they do get hurt.

The absolute kicker was the assertion that video games were to blame. How about the fuckwarts that are raising these future ranks of the Professionally Unemployed? Maybe, just maybe, had these kids been taught things like common sense and respect, they wouldn't be jumping off rooftops onto each other's nads.


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