13. Dick Cheney shot me.
12. I am really an illegal alien and Dick Cheney shot my translator.
11. I swallowed a fly. I don't know why. Perhaps I'll die.
10. I've been taunting the people in my office who gave up coffee and chocolate for Lent by drinking coffee and eating chocolate in front of them.
9. I've been throwing up from all the coffee and chocolate I've been consuming.
8. I have a freaking day job! Hello!
7. I've been working on two screenplays, some comedy sketches for an upcoming show in Dallas, a stand-up routine I'll be performing next Saturday night, and a short story.
6. I've been doing spring yard work. A shitload of spring yard work. Scooping dog crap, picking up branches, raking leaves, mowing, edging, weed wacking, setting up sprinklers, weeding around the perennials, and scooping dog crap.
5. I've been reading all y'all's blogs!
4. I've become addicted to Google Maps.
3. I received some hefty royalty checks from a national Dish Network TV spot I was in and did the voiceover for (it's for Dish HD -- four guys watching a high def show with a parrot), so I bought a new guitar and amp and have been playing the shit out of it.
2. I've been moving stuff around, going through stuff, having people give us stuff and buying more stuff because my wife will be going into labor very soon.
1. I've been hyperventilating because my wife will be going into labor very soon.
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