Thursday, November 16, 2006

My 13 favorite lines from my new show.

Last night was our last rehearsal. Tonight we're recording all the vocals for the soundtrack CD, and tomorrow... we finally get to perform B.F.E. The Town that Christmas Forgot in front of an audience. Last night's rehearsal was a bit shaky, which is always a good sign. I really sucked the big one, so I'll kick ass tomorrow. Anyway, here are 13 lines/moments in the show that I'm particularly fond of:

13. Tyler: "Bum Fuck Egypt? Wow. I never knew it existed."
Mayor: "Of course it exists. If it didn't, we'd all live somewhere else."
Lonnie: "Not me!"

12. Tyler to Elizabeth, the town hooker: "Where is your place?"
Elizabeth: "It's the brothel and pancake house at the end of Main Street."
Clive: "Best blueberry hotcakes in town!"
Tyler: "Sounds great."
Clive: "Great blowjobs, too!"

11. Joey: "I think he has designs on ruining what our town is all about. What makes B.F.E. ours and ours alone. And he's going to use Terry to help him do it."
Mayor: "How's he going to do that?"
Joey: "I'm not sure. Hypnosis maybe. Or by conjuring up a demon."

10. Clive: "Say, Tyler, you got a good ass kickin' foot?"
Tyler: "A what?"
Clive: "An ass kickin' foot. You know, for the ass kickin' contest."

9. Lonnie: "Terry, you've known what's his name for a really long time."
Terry: "Joey?"
Lonnie: "Where?"

8. Elizabeth: "Terry, you want to talk to Tyler. Tyler, you want to talk to Terry."
Clive: "I want to talk to the animals."

7. Joey: "I'm telling you the truth, Burt. She's in love with Robertson!"
Mayor (Burt): "How can you be sure?"
Joey: "Because she told me!"
Mayor: "And what if she told you she were an earthworm, would you believe that?"

6. Terry: "She was wearing really old clothes, like the kind of clothes you wear when you get your picture taken and you want it to look like you were in the Wild West, only these weren't Wild West clothes so I guess that's not such a great example."

5. Tyler: "What did you say your name was?"
Terry: "Terry Bradshaw."
Tyler: "Wow. He was my hero growing up."
Terry: "Who?"
Tyler: "Terry Bradshaw."
Terry: "What?"
Tyler: "He was my hero."
Terry: "Who?"
Tyler: "Terry Bradshaw."
Terry: "What?"
Tyler: "Nevermind."

4. Joey (singing the song Fire): "I'm gay... Not that kind of gay! I'm just happy 'cause he'll burn today!"

3. Elizabeth: "I have had sex with every person in this town except for you. Now I've got a reputation to uphold so you stop by my place for a quickie and we'll be all square."

2. Lonnie: "One for me (she takes a drink from a beer). One for Tyler (she pours a little on the grave). One for me (she drinks again)."

1. Tyler: "Wow. Bum Fuck Egypt, huh?"
Mayor: "Ooh, careful. It's a family show. It's pronounced Bum Fuh Keygypt."


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