Thursday, December 07, 2006

13 Things about the Holidays that Bug Me

Let me start off by saying I'm the furthest thing from a Scrooge. I love the holidays. I love decorating the house and putting up lights and listening to Christmas music (especially Barbara Streisand's Christmas album, which is beautiful and ironic) and buying presents and making cookies. For me, it is the most wonderful time of the year.

All that said, there's some shit that really gets on my nerves.

13. Gift pressure. Just because someone gives you a gift shouldn't mean you have to feel obliged to give them a gift. But you do. Because no matter how much we fundamentally agree with "'Tis better to give than to receive," we still feel like it has to be an even exchange.

12. Advertising aimed at children. All children's programming should be ad-free.

11. Non-traditional/modern Christmas songs. Yes, I'm being a old fuddy duddy here, but when it comes to Christmas music I feel like, we have enough. We don't need anymore. I want to hear Nat King Cole and Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby and Ella Fitzgerald and Barbara Streisand singing the standards. I don't want to hear A Very Hillary Duff Christmas or Diddy's Christmas Shiznit or Mel Gibson's Jew-Hatin' Christmas Carols.

10. People who leave their Christmas lights up and lit until February and beyond. You have until January 10th to turn them off. After that, you're in violation.

9. The "Get Your Picture Taken With Santa" assembly line at the mall. It's an hour-and-a-half wait, and most of the kids don't want to be there. They know it's not the real Santa, and they're bored and tired and hungry.

8. The "I Hate the Holidays and You're Stupid for Liking Them" crowd.

7. TV and radio ads that rewrite the lyrics to Christmas carols and turn them into jingles.

6. Light strands that go out when one bulb goes bad so you gotta go through and change every freaking bulb until you find the guilty party. I know, I know, lights these days don't do that, but some of mine are older and do that and I like the lights and shut up!

5. Any and every plastic inflatable lawn Christmas ornament.

4. People who can't grasp the concept that some folks, like Jews and Muslims, don't celebrate Christmas.

3. People who worry about offending someone if you say "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays."

2. Rope lighting.

1. People who express their unprompted opinion as to when you should tell your child who Santa really is. I say, let 'em believe for as long as they can. When they find out the truth, that's when the magic ends.


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