Okay. Look. I know you got a big-ass Superduty. I can see it. I can hear it. A full mile away from you, I can fucking see and hear it. I concede that you are King of the Road, Roger Miller. You and all your other Warning-Testosterone-Levels-At-Critical-Mass brothers out there own the road. You proved your point. So now, maybe, just maybe, how about you
First of all, it doesn't matter how slow I'm driving, or in what lane I'm driving. You getting your big shiny chrome bumper two inches from my tailgate is GOING TO GET SOMEONE KILLED.
Let me state right here in this public forum that if it were guaranteed that you would be the only one you killed, I would pull into the left lane, drive 45 and put a big sign in my back window that says, "Please Tailgate Me!" I would root for your death.
The problem is, you and your brothers are never the ones who die. No, you just kill other people. People who, you know, like to drive the speed limit and obey traffic laws. People with kids in the car. Elderly people. My wife. My mom. Me.
Back. The. Fuck. Off.
If you want to go open up your Hemi and see what she's got under that hood of hers, get out to a clear, open stretch of road somewhere and let her rip. When I've got clear highway in front of me, baby I let it fly. Okay, I did before I got this, but that's a whole nother story.
But dude, you're in rush hour traffic. You got up late, you left late, now you're late because of YOU, not ME, so take a deep breath and give a little space there in front of you. Hey, here's a thought: smoke a bowl. Then you'll drive 10 under and leave 12 car lengths between you and the next car.
Oh, and ladies in big SUVs? WTF? Why are you acting like men with small dicks? Are you a man with a small dick? If so, well, read above and apply to you. If not, um, read above and apply to you. 'Cause while the majority of the douchebags about whom I'm speaking are male, that ratio is disturbingly increasing on the female side.
Don't act like a dude. That's just plain gross.